Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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