it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
