Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
