drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Ladies don't puke and tell
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
