apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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