Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
