He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
