dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Shame is for Republicans.
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