I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
You can't motorboat a personality
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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