she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
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