I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I woke up under a house in Key West
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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