I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Randomize
