Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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