i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
