I accidentally burped into my bong.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
