worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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