I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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