party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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