it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
You may now shotgun with the bride
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
