she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize