it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
