I think im going to throw up on grandma
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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