I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Randomize
