oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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