Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
