Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
