hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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