I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
how do flat chested girls get laid?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
