ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
