i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
