The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
