i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
