we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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