from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Couch. On fire.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
