my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
