i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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