Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
