So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
