Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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