but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
