epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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