i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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