I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
