My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
