her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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