look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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