benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
