im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
wow bdsm is so cute
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
