This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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