and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
