We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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