You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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