I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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