i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
