I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
