I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Randomize
