she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
