I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
