how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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