i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
