you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
