So drunk its hurt
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
