I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
