The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Randomize
