he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
