So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
