the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
