is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
We are two peas in an std pod
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
