I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
